Tina Fey and Amy Poehler kicked off the 2014 Golden Globes with an unforgettable opener on Sunday.
Sparing no celebrity's feelings, the comic duo were full of wisecracks for everyone from Matt Damon to Tom Hanks (or "Tam Hunks," as Poehler affectionately dubbed the Captain Phillips star).
Rattling off the names of several A-list stars in the room, like Leonardo DiCaprio, Julia Roberts, Robert Redford and Meryl Streep among others, the duo noted 2013 was an incredible year for movies and television.
"No offense to the movies and nominees last year but this year is legit!" Fey, 43, said. "There are so many stars in the room tonight, it's hard not to be overwhelmed."
Poehler, 42, chimed in to make Matt Damon well aware of the hierarchy of the guest list.
"You're basically a garbage person," Poehler said, prodding Damon, who shared a laugh with his wife, Luciana, in the audience.
Next up? Streep, 64.
"Meryl Streep is here," Fey said. "So brilliant in August: Osage County, proving that there are still great parts in Hollywood ... for Meryl Streeps over 60."
Best supporting actor nominee Bradley Cooper's perm in American Hustle inspired a joke all its own.
"Bradley Cooper is here, star of American Hustle. Interesting trivia: The original title of that movie was Explosion at the Wig Factory," Fey said with a laugh.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus – who is nominated for her roles in both the HBO series Veep and opposite the late James Gandolfini in Enough Said – caught some flack for her double nod.
"Interestingly, Julia has chosen to sit in the film section," the hosts pointed out. "Hi, Julia. Hi, Julia. You know us from TV."
In on the joke, Louis-Dreyfus deadpanned as she shielded her face with oversize sunglasses and puffed on an electronic cigarette as Reese Witherspoon attempted – and failed! – to take a photo with the Veep star.
The Laughs ContinueEven Miss Golden Globe Sosie Bacon wasn't safe from the dynamic duo's jabs. Actors Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick came on stage to introduce their daughter but were interrupted by Fey.
"In the name of gender equality this year, please welcome Mr. Golden Globe, my adult son from a previous relationship, Randy," Fey announced as Poehler emerged in a suit and wig.
Poehler, sounding like an emo teenager, joked about Sosie Bacon's name. "What are you, the Olympics?" she said, referencing the 2014 Winter Games in Sochi, Russia.
Poeher also poked fun at actress Jacqueline Bisset, whose bizarre acceptance speech earlier in the night overshadowed her best supporting actress win for Dancing on the Edge.
"God, I hate being here," Poehler joked. "Jacqueline Bisset is backstage bothering me."
Another hilarious bit came as Poehler tried to determine which Hollywood bigwig was her illegitimate "father." She first approached the hunky Idris Elba before successfully settling on Harvey Weinstein.
"Carry on," Fey deadpanned as Poehler embraced the film executive.
But Poehler and Fey didn't need elaborate bits to earn laughter. Some of their best jokes were tightly packed into their introductions. After continuing to banter with Louis-Dreyfus – who had moved back to the TV seating section to eat a large sandwich – Fey introduced Melissa McCarthy as "the cursing consultant on The Wolf of Wall Street."
After Poehler accepted her best actress Golden Globe, Fey referenced last year's squabble with singer Taylor Swift, who was offended at a joke the duo had made.
"I just want to say thank you again to my friend Amy Poehler, I love you and there's a special place in hell for you," Fey cracked, referencing a quote Swift invoked in a Vanity Fair article.
In her final, perhaps sharpest jab, Fey called Leonardo DiCaprio on stage, alluding to his romantic history: "And now, – like a supermodel's vagina – let's all give a warm welcome to Leonardo DiCaprio."