01/15/2014 AT 6:00 PM ET
The animated film The Nut Job, which opens on Friday, follows a scheming scurry of squirrels as they attempt to pull off the biggest nut heist of all time. The plot got us thinking: Of all the various kinds of nuts in the world, which is the best? As we soon discovered, there are oh so many varieties out there – choosing one ultimate nut was a daunting task.
And yet, somehow we managed it. Below, see our official, unimpeachable rankings of all the nuts worth talking about. Some blowhards might point out that, strictly speaking, not all of the items on the list are nuts. (Yes, we all know peanuts are technically legumes). But we would advise those people to familiarize themselves with the concept of “”culinary and then relax.
On to the rankings!
18. Kola Nut
17. Brazil Nut
16. Pine Nut
15. Nuts (Barbra Streisand Film)
This legal drama received a slew of mixed reviews upon its release in 1987, with Roger Ebert calling it “a futile exercise in courtroom clichés, surrounding a good performance that doesn’t fit.”
12. Pine Nut (Member of Chris Pine’s Fanbase)
11. Macademia Nut
10. The Nutty Professor (Eddie Murphy Film)
Could it be a hit today? We’re skeptical, for various reasons. (The dimming of Eddie Murphy’s star is one, the inevitable accusations of fat-shaming is another.) But it was the eighth-biggest movie of 1996, and it had people saying “Hercules, Hercules!” all summer long, which none of these other nuts did.
Finally, we enter the heavy hitters. Cashews are a pleasant addition to many world cuisines, but we have to admit, we always feel a little silly about eating them plain. Watch out – the curved part might get stuck on your bottom lip!
7. "Coconut" (Harry Nilsson Song)
It features imperfect medical advice (neither limes nor coconuts appear on this helpful list, but “Coconut” has become Nilsson’s most beloved song, for good reason: it’s fun, simple, and utterly unforgettable.
How many amazing things can you put pecans in? Pralines. Brownies. Pecan pie! Plus, they taste swell on their own.
5. Nut (Fastener)
2. Peanuts (Comic Strip)
What is there to say about Peanuts that hasn’t been said a million times before? It’s an American classic, a holiday staple, a comics milestone. The mere thought of it gives millions of Americans warm and fuzzy feelings, despite the fact that its primary themes are insecurity and neurosis. Love of Peanuts is the closest thing this country has to an official religion.
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