updated 10/09/2012 AT 4:00 PM ET
•originally published 10/09/2012 AT 4:30 PM ET
Some would invite him inside. “I would drop him off at the pound,” Olivia Wilde told the audience gathered in N.Y.C. at Monday night’s These Girls monologue reading, hosted by Glamour magazine.
Her hypothetical decision, however, isn’t a jab at Beckham’s sex appeal as much as a sweet nod to her current relationship with Jason Sudeikis, who sat in the audience to hear Wilde’s self-penned, no-holds-barred recollection of her divorce, her body and, of course, her sex life.
Although she didn’t reference Sudeikis, 37, by name, the actress, 28, was less tight-lipped about their chemistry between the sheets. When they get, um, intimate, it’s “like Kenyan marathon runners,” she joked.
Physical attraction aside, she fell “blissfully, hopelessly, wildly in love,” with Sudeikis, whom she now lives with after stepping out together last December, reports the USA Today. “We hold hands. I never f—— hold hands,” she added. (It’s true.)
But before she began dating Sudeikis – before the hand-in-hand strolls through the streets of N.Y.C. – Wilde was married to Italian prince Tao Ruspoli for eight years. Hopes of a fairy-tale ending were hushed, however, when she filed for divorce in March 2011. (Their divorce was finalized later that year.)
In front of the audience – which included Amy Poehler and fellow readers Rashida Jones, Girls star Zosia Mamet, Lauren Miller, Aubrey Plaza and Ari Graynor – she remembered, “I felt like my vagina died. It just turned off. Lights out.”
The candid girl chat continued when she assigned her lady part a pronoun: When Wilde decided it was time to split, “She looked up at me and said, ‘Oh, you think?’ ”
Although Wilde went on to embrace her single status, feeling “liberated and badass,” there was one downside to life without a plus-one: “I was really f—— lonely,” she said.
As she debated the pros and cons of monogamy, she eventually decided, “I don’t want to go back to single life. My liver won’t stand for it. Also, I’m really bad at sexting.”
And a message to Sudeikis, whom she cuddled up to at the event’s after-party: “I just don’t want to get hurt and feel stupid later.”